267. Square one

(Continued.)

There I sat at my laptop, back at square one. OK, maybe I should start my own list, in my five minutes per day of free time. No, not too smart. I thought about what I wanted from this experience; I didn't really feel the need for a vast exchange of ideas on the subject, but rather to learn how to articulate my own. I remembered the blog I tried to keep a few years ago, but was too self-conscious to actually publish. A blog seemed like a good way to develop self-discipline--even if no one stopped by, even if no one cared that I didn't write every day, I would care, since it was there and available for the entire universe to read if they wished.

So I began to write, and found that I couldn't talk about my chanting experiences without considering what brought me here in the first place. I shared the URL with a few friends, who were very encouraging. And then other random and wonderful people started to read. I'm not quite sure what I'll be writing about over the next 265 posts, but I'll come up with something.

Time flies. In many ways my life is just the same as a year ago, which is not entirely according to plan. But in other ways I'm a completely new and better person, having survived major surgery and emerged healthy, having chanted Torah in Jerusalem. The only response I have, the only response there can be, is to give thanks to God for the ability to write--about good and bad, above and below, beginning and ending, and everything else in between.